I put her name on all our to-go orders at restaurants. And when I order a drink at the coffee store, or anywhere else they need a name for a reservation. So, I can say her name when they ask who the order is for, and I can hear them say it back.

Hear it out loud
Say her name out loud
I’m not sure if I will do this forever, and I know it makes me sound and even feel a little crazy, but it doesn’t out-weigh how good it feels
To just use her name commonly in conversation

With a stranger who doesn’t know the weight of every syllable, I’m hanging on
Every syllable that I wrote a million different ways, while she was growing under my heart
Trying to pick out the perfect way that who she was, would be presented to the world

How it looked on paper
How it would look when she would first learn to scribble it
How it looked in cursive
When she would sign it

To things that held importance to her
How it sounded when I practiced yelling towards the back of the car for her to quit fighting with her sisters
How it sounded with her middle name

Imagining them announcing it as she walked across the stage in her cap and gown
Smiling back at me as she moved her tassel
What it would look like next to the name of the man she fell in love with, on an invitation to their wedding

What her name stood for
What she would stand for
How she holds the same initials as her Daddy
How she had a ‘y’ in her name after her Mia and Buddy
Who also carry a ‘y’ in their name

All the things that go into the naming of your child
That holds the weight of who they are in this world
All of that goes into these small interactions

When I go to Bahama Buck’s
To celebrate a special day with her sisters
And order the snow-cone with the extra sprinkles
For Sayge

When I go in at Starbucks
Order my favorite drink and listen and wait
For her name to be called out 
When I look for the cup amongst all the others sitting there, with her spelling
Laughing to myself at the way they tried to spell it, as I look them in the eye and tell them thank you 
Raising her glass

To this world, she graced with her presence
If only for a little while, leaving us all wanting more
Leaving her lasting impression
To all, that knew her, held her, and know her sweet name

As sure as her name that now rests in stone 
The name means Tree of Life 
Connecting both Heaven and Earth

The name means wisdom and healing
The name of this little, precious girl of mine
Who will always be a part of my world 
Where I sit and remember
All of who she is
All of who she has encouraged me to be
How proud I am, to get to call her mine

And remember the God, who calls her by name
Knows her by name
Knows her every detail

The God who now walks with her in the garden, while stopping to smell the wildflowers, her tiny hand wrapped around His pinky finger
Flowers strung into a crown upon her head
Her hair blowing free with the breeze
Smudges of dirt on her face from a day full of playing
And the sweetest smile
A smile that always warms the heart
Beaming from a face full of joy

I raise my cup, with the scribble of your name, to you, sweet girl. Here’s to all you are.

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Hello all! I am a mother of three girls. Gracelyn is 8, Alise is 6, and Sayge went to Heaven at 7 weeks old. (SUIDS, which pretty much means they have no idea why she died) I was a social worker/admissions coordinator at Carillon Nursing Home in my previous life, and had quit to stay home to raise my kiddos after we had our youngest. I’m very active in kickboxing, Karate, and sparring. I know, crazy, but it has been my saving grace in dealing with the loss of our daughter. I have a fb page we had created to give out information for her funeral that turned into Letters to Sayge, and an instagram account Whispersofcourage where I try to infuse hope into the idea of going through life after the loss of a child. I also am a Lubbock coordinator for the West TX Chapter of a group called Hope Mommies that provides local support for mothers and families who has suffered child loss. I grew up on a farm in a small town. Met my husband, Shawn, in college at ACU, who I have been married to for 13 years and counting and is the love of my life. My main goal is simply to make a difference in the lives of others, while living this life to the fullest, and sharing the hope of Christ along the way.