I put her name on all our to-go orders at restaurants. And when I order a drink at the coffee store, or anywhere else they need a name for a reservation. So, I can say her name when they ask who the order is for, and I can hear them say it back.
Hear it out loud
Say her name out loud
I’m not sure if I will do this forever, and I know it makes me sound and even feel a little crazy, but it doesn’t out-weigh how good it feels
To just use her name commonly in conversation
With a stranger who doesn’t know the weight of every syllable, I’m hanging on
Every syllable that I wrote a million different ways, while she was growing under my heart
Trying to pick out the perfect way that who she was, would be presented to the world
How it looked on paper
How it would look when she would first learn to scribble it
How it looked in cursive
When she would sign it
To things that held importance to her
How it sounded when I practiced yelling towards the back of the car for her to quit fighting with her sisters
How it sounded with her middle name
Imagining them announcing it as she walked across the stage in her cap and gown
Smiling back at me as she moved her tassel
What it would look like next to the name of the man she fell in love with, on an invitation to their wedding
What her name stood for
What she would stand for
How she holds the same initials as her Daddy
How she had a ‘y’ in her name after her Mia and Buddy
Who also carry a ‘y’ in their name
All the things that go into the naming of your child
That holds the weight of who they are in this world
All of that goes into these small interactions
When I go to Bahama Buck’s
To celebrate a special day with her sisters
And order the snow-cone with the extra sprinkles
For Sayge
When I go in at Starbucks
Order my favorite drink and listen and wait
For her name to be called out
When I look for the cup amongst all the others sitting there, with her spelling
Laughing to myself at the way they tried to spell it, as I look them in the eye and tell them thank you
Raising her glass
To this world, she graced with her presence
If only for a little while, leaving us all wanting more
Leaving her lasting impression
To all, that knew her, held her, and know her sweet name
As sure as her name that now rests in stone
The name means Tree of Life
Connecting both Heaven and Earth
The name means wisdom and healing
The name of this little, precious girl of mine
Who will always be a part of my world
Where I sit and remember
All of who she is
All of who she has encouraged me to be
How proud I am, to get to call her mine
And remember the God, who calls her by name
Knows her by name
Knows her every detail
The God who now walks with her in the garden, while stopping to smell the wildflowers, her tiny hand wrapped around His pinky finger
Flowers strung into a crown upon her head
Her hair blowing free with the breeze
Smudges of dirt on her face from a day full of playing
And the sweetest smile
A smile that always warms the heart
Beaming from a face full of joy
I raise my cup, with the scribble of your name, to you, sweet girl. Here’s to all you are.
