1. They criticize you
I remember my mom always having something to say about what I did and how I did it. She would single me out from my siblings as well. I have an older brother, and he would always date different women, and she never said anything to him. When I date someone, she always has something to say about how they looked or acts. She would complain about me spending too much time thinking about them and never getting anything done. Mind you; I was 15 when I had my first real boyfriend. Of course, I would daydream, haha! Meanwhile, my brother was on his 10th girlfriend, and she would not comment. It was always me she had a problem with.
2. Failure to respect boundaries
My mom would babysit my kids when I sometimes did not have childcare. I would set specific rules for them to follow. Things like not going outside while it was too hot, drinking too much coke, or watching too much TV. Although when I picked them up, I would find them out in the sun and drinking coke. That would make me livid. She would blow my rules off. She stated that I was being too strict and dramatic.
3. Play the victim… always
My mom will always try and say, “well, you made,” never, “well, I made.” This always aggravated me! She never took responsibility for her actions. I would often call her out on things that were not right, and she would either hang up on me a mid-sentence or ignore me. I would often repeat myself. Then she would call me back, and I would not answer, and she would be pissed.
4. Compare your body to others
Growing up, I was constantly bullied for being overweight. Looking back now, I know they were jealous of me being a Lil thick, haha! I remember we would watch soap operas, and she would say, “Man look at them, Daisy, they are so skinny, and they are your age.” Why would she even say that??? This would make me feel so insecure. I felt like she was my biggest enemy growing up. Although she was my mom, she had hater “energy”!! Looking back at pictures, I was so skinny and now I am not. I still feel great, though!
5. Lacks empathy
My mother never tried to understand my feelings or be affectionate toward me. I believe in my heart having empathy as a mother is essential. This is how you create a bond with your children. This was hard for me to learn how to show compassion towards my kids due to not experiencing it as a child. My mom has never told me, “I love you.” EVER!!! Every chance I get, I tell my children that I love them. I know my mom was treated harshly by her mother. It was just a generational curse, is what I found out. It was sad that my mom went through the same and did not think to change to make a difference in my life.
Being raised by a toxic mother can make it hard for you to be the best mother you can be for your children. I encourage you not to let that define you. Break that generational curse tying you down from being a fantastic mother for your kids. Get help and talk about it. We want to be able to become emotionally healthy. If you need to cut your mom off.. do it. I did it, and my life has gotten so much easier. Be a healthy mom.