Control Freak


My life is not about control—surprise surprise. As a mother, I want to manage all of the controllable and uncontrollable experiences my children will have based on my life experiences and possibly my family’s experiences. 

I will give my kids every opportunity that I didn’t have or didn’t jump on. I know what’s best for them and expect them to follow my plan.

I had opportunities growing up, but I also felt the sting of fear. Some tasks I attempted because the confidence was there and others I didn’t. Now, looking back, why didn’t I? Why didn’t I try out for softball? Why didn’t I start “late” at ballet or piano? Why didn’t I attempt to do what I was interested in? 

Fear sums up about everything for me, and that is likewise approaching my children. Children can feel our emotions, anxieties, and stresses. Self-reflection is happening as I have to ask myself, am I going to fear the unknown to the extent that my children know nothing less than to copy and paste?

I dread that they will fear to see their potential and let’s be honest; my husband and I have created two badass human beings. They do have potential. They will have opportunities. Will they choose to act on their personal goals and desires? But hey moms, will we be disappointed if they don’t?

My husband and I recently had a conversation in the kitchen (everything seems to happen in the kitchen) about our future and our family. We have, from the beginning, chosen to be Team Granzow through thick and thin, loyal. We are faithful to our dreams and desires and realities. I know this to be true because I can feel his support the way some feel God’s hand on their life or the wind in their hair (thank you, Lubbock). I know when I say, “Hey, if Bill O’Reilly can write a children’s book, so can I,” and his response is, “do it.” I do it. I did it. He knows that when I say, “sell everything and let’s live in a motorhome,” I mean it. 

So when it comes to our children, I feel like I have to have all-powerful knowledge to ensure and secure a future for them that meets my expectations and whatever their future expectations will be later in life. 

Wow, Krystal. You’re pretty confident. 

Control is not love. Control is a problem. I’ve recently learned that love is not to seek control, whether well-intentioned or not. It is to foster freedom in personal growth. 

I love my children unconditionally and therefore support them unconditionally. I want to foster in them core values that are foundational and loving to all, but I have to step back and allow them to do them. It is not my job to save them. It is my job to love them unconditionally, so love I will do. 

I will love my babies when they hit yours, make bad grades, and embarrass me in public with the vocabulary they could’ve only learned from their daddy. I will sit back and allow them to problem solve on their own without stepping in to play savior. 

Boldly, through my example and their learned lessons, I will raise a strong man and a strong woman who will be confident in their identities and love all.

What are your thoughts?