Did I Really Just Write That?


It was that time of year, time to complete the annual self-assessment at work. I had to develop the results that successfully summarize all the great things I did during 2020 and what I hope to achieve in 2021. Just like the rest of the world, 2020 was a year full of stress and navigation through unchartered waters for me. Being a working Mom was already stressful enough but working in healthcare administration during a global pandemic while being expected to homeschool took things to a new level.

My workaholic tendencies were on full display in 2020. I was happy to serve my team and my community in some capacity because, let’s face it, I’m not good at doing nothing. Anything that was asked of me, I gladly took on. I said “yes” when I could. I let this be my time to shine and grow as I learned new processes that would ultimately benefit my team. I have ZERO regrets in doing this, but what I realized as 2020 came to an end, my yeses were only directed in one direction, and because of this, I was exhausted to issue some of the essential yeses to those who needed them most.

While I was busy saying “yes” to all the things at work, I was busy saying “no” to all the things at home.

I was too tired to do the things my two Blondies asked of me to do.

Barbies? No.

Tea party? No.

Park visits? No.

Anything fun that had to do with Mommy exerting energy? No.

My husband received his fair share of no delegation too. I was too tired to go window shopping or even to stay awake to watch a movie in its entirety. While one aspect of my life had yeses overflowing, one was being dominated with my new favorite two-letter word, no.

As I continued my self-assessment, I got to the question that asked what I wanted to do better this year. Without hesitation, I just began writing that I will be making rest a priority this year, that I would be taking off at least one day a quarter to allow myself to rest and reset.

Um, excuse me?! Who the heck writes that in their self-assessment to their company that pays you to work for them? What in the world was I doing? Were they going to think I was weak by wanting to rest? Would they think less of me? Would they think I was lazy?

Did I really just write that? 

Yes, yes, I did, because that is exactly what I need to develop this year. I need to rest and reset to allow myself to be energized so I can say yes at work and home. 

By letting myself rest, when I am asked to put the Doc McStuffins puzzle together for the 50th time, I say, “yes,” and it won’t feel daunting. My family deserves to be in line for yeses and not just the nos. They deserve to have the first pick of me just as my work does. My mother and wife titles hold just as much prestige, and I need to treat them as so. My work also requires me to have a happier home that fills me with love, so I can pour that into others while working. 

It starts with yeses.

When I was dropping my oldest off to first grade, she randomly asked if I would walk her to the door. Although I would typically say “no” to conserve that energy for work, I said yes. She held my hand the entire time and reminding me that handholds will soon be a thing of the past. I was so grateful for the yes.

Here’s to resting, resetting, and saying yes along the way.

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Dianne with two "n"s, is a Lubbock transplant who traded the green fields of NE Texas for the West Texas sunsets and is proud to call the 806 home. She is married to her husband, Keagan, and they have two strong-willed blondies, Hadley and Merrytt. When not working her full time gig in healthcare adminstration, you can probably find her indulging in chips and queso(with a sangria swirl marg of course) or solving true crimes with her besties. She is a proud enneagram 6 wing 7 who could talk all things enneagram for hours. Her friends often question how she juggles all the things in which Dianne gives all the credit to the good Lord and her superpower, ADHD. Favorite Resturant: Picoso's Mexican Kitchen Favorite Landmark: Two Docs Favorite Lubbock Tradition: The Goin' Band marching into the stadium before a football game