On May 8, 2011, my world was shattered.
My life as I knew it was over. I never dreamed that I would be affected by suicide. No one ever expects it to happen to them. No one is ever prepared for that phone call. I wish I had known. Suicide is not something that needs to be kept in the dark. I’ve dealt with many losses in my life, from grandparents to friends, but this loss seemed to have hit me the hardest. Many people don’t understand why I haven’t let go of the hurt and guilt I felt after Jason took his life that day in 2011. I even lost friends because a year later, and then two years later, I still cried. Ten years later, I am still mourning the loss of my dear friend.
Many people didn’t realize that in those years after he lost the love of his life in an accident, Jason and I became very close. He would call me when he was down, and I would talk to him. Middle-of-the-night phone conversations were not rare. We became so close that it’s like we had a 6th sense. When one of us was hurting, it was like the other could feel it, and we would pick up the phone and talk for hours. Many times I would drive to Odessa on the weekends and stay to hang out. I witnessed him gaging his ears, piercing his tongue, and falling off his bike while jumping on a ramp. I knew Jason was better, but deep down, I also knew he would never be the Jason we all knew in high school.
Depression is so taboo.
Jason never felt comfortable letting anyone know he was still hurting and suffering. On May 7, 2011, he called and told me he was coming to Lubbock and wanted to hang out. We had a fun night, and he and his friends stayed at my house and planned to drive back to Odessa the following day. We walked out of my apartment together and said our goodbyes. He kissed me on the forehead and told me he wished I knew how much I meant to him; then, we parted ways.
Man, I wish I had known. He texted me 2 hours later to let me know he had made it home. Then another 2 hours after that, I got the call. On May 8, 2011, he took his own life. When he got home that day, his mom said she knew she had lost him again; I wish I had known. What did I miss? How could I have helped?
I used to believe suicide was selfish, as many may think, but once you’ve lost someone to it, you quickly realize that’s not the case. When a person reaches the point where they genuinely believe that this world would be better off without them, there’s no turning back. We’ve got to get to these people before that time comes.
Every 40 seconds, a person dies because they lose hope.
They don’t believe they are worthy of this life. Together we can all make a difference. If you or someone you love shows signs of depression, don’t blow it off. There’s help out there… #suicideawareness
Will you stand with me and help me bring suicide out of the dark?
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
800-273-8255
