Let’s be honest. Finding friends as a woman is hard, but it can become even more complicated when you add motherhood in.
As women, we tend to get our feelings hurt more frequently. We write people off without hesitation and turn our backs at the first sign of trouble. When we get married, we go from having all guy friends to navigating couple friendships. We watch our husbands talk football and pray to God we can get along with the wife. On top of emotions, hormones, and insecurity, the pettiness in women’s friendships is absolute. Despite all those things, when you find a true friend, I mean someone you can show how bad your bra is fitting now, will hold your hair as you puke, or that has seen you lose your crap on more than one occasion and loves you anyway. It all becomes worth it.
I have learned since navigating adult friendships, especially after becoming a mother, that sometimes it’s okay for your circle to be small. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of friends, but when life gets rough, I have what I call my core four. These ladies have loved me, been vulnerable with me, watched my crazy, held my hand, and weathered storms with me. They are the ones that, when times seem impossible, I know I can call at a moment’s notice. They are also the ones that keep me honest and on my toes.
So, to help you with your friendship woes, let me tell you about my Core Four.
The Spontaneous One
I am a planner. It’s important to know what the day held from when I was little. Surprises are not my friend, and if my plan for the day gets thrown out, it takes a bit for me to adjust. Amanda, however, has helped me to loosen up. While sometimes, a plan is excellent. It is also great to have a friend that will text you at 5:00 pm the day of a 7:00 pm concert and ask if you need a girl’s night. Sometimes I take her up on it; sometimes, it’s just not possible.
The spontaneity that she carries with her reminds me that it’s okay to let loose. I don’t always have to have it together, and on days when all I want is out of my house with a screaming toddler and a husband staring at the TV watching whatever sport is in season. I know that my Spontaneous One is a phone call away, ready with a fly-by-the-seat of our pants plan to make everything better and put a smile on my face.
The Bold One
Do you have that one friend that, no matter the situation, is going to tell you exactly how it is? No? Get you one. Ironically, my Bold One is also named Amanda. If I ever need someone to tell me the truth, this is my girl. She will lay it out on all cylinders, which is the best breath of fresh air when I am struggling with the fakeness of the world. Not only will she speak the truth to me, but she also helps me to grow in being unapologetically me.
Having a Bold One in your life is essential if you are a people pleaser who beats yourself up at every slip of the tongue or struggles with feeling like you can’t be yourself to make others comfortable. Don’t expect them to be your hype man every time you come to them but expect them to love you enough to be themselves and share the realness whether you want to hear it or not.
In a world where some people don’t have your back, a cheerleader in your corner is essential. Someone to cheer you on, pump you up and make you feel extremely important is an irreplaceable friend. Valerie (did you sing it, as in the song by Amy Winehouse) is my cheerleader. If I ever need a hype man, someone to remind me of my capabilities, or just someone to hug me and tell me that I’m amazing. This is my girl!
Now when I say cheerleader, let me be clear, she is not delusional to my faults. However, she cheers for me when she knows I’m on the right path. She is willing to speak the truth in love and cheer me on in growth. Most importantly, she never makes me feel small. This is not to say that my other friends don’t have this quality. Valerie radiates this positivity so much that she can’t help it.
First, let me say, all my friends are constant. They all show up in rough times, answer when I call and are all down for a girl’s night. The constant I am talking about here is someone so involved in my life, and they know every detail because they usually live it with me. Ashlie is my constant. While I haven’t known her for very long, she has become a staple. She’s at every event, calls to check on me, and makes sure that my sanity is okay every day. Ashlie is a constant reminder that real friends do exist. If I didn’t hear from her every day, I would be worried.
Now that you have heard about my core four, tell me about yours? All four of these ladies meet every aspect I’ve listed above when you think about this. The difference is they each carry one heavier than the others. They are all bold, spontaneous, constant, and cheer me on. These ladies are the true definition of friends. They are my Core Four through and through, and I am so grateful to know them.