So, let’s say I had a grandmother who was chronically early. Christmas dinner started at noon; she would be there at 10 am. This was always a little running joke. Just like the jokes, earliness has trickled on down to me. I get anxious if I am cutting it close and have no issue sitting in a parking lot so I can walk in 10 minutes early.
Who is laughing now, Julie?
The downside of time is that as it passes, so do the memories. I sit, looking at a blank piece of paper and want to tell you a story. The page sits for days before I give up because I do not remember. Emery will ask me a question about my past or say something specific that will trigger a memory now and again. I do not understand how we live for the memories but rarely remember them.
I spend a lot of time in the present, and I guess that is where my focus is geared. The idea of making plans more than a few days out is too much commitment. Scared much? HA! Booking.com has worked me through several, “Yeah, I made plans, and now I need to cancel.” To stay committed, it helps if tickets are involved, so I cannot get a refund.
The phrase, “Where has the time gone?” has not had the pleasure of wisping past my vocal cords. I do not look back at time like that. I look at the now. There are no regrets. I want Emery to grow and change. My objective is to be present. The memories of my past may fade, but I remember the feeling my parents left with me. I was safe, supported, rooted for, and loved.
I think the best part of time is realizing the peace that comes with it. Every day gives me a chance to spend time doing what I want to in hopes that when Emery has her children, it will spark an exceptional feeling when they ask her questions about her past.
My grandmother, who was chronically early, also made the best mashed potatoes, would give someone the middle finger, sat on the bench with the team during my basketball games, blew a whistle in the phone when someone would call the wrong number and would call you when she hadn’t heard from you in a while saying, “Well, I guess you aren’t dead” once you answered.
How do you feel about time? Are you living in it, wishing it would hurry up or wanting it to slow down?