Training For a Fight


Training for a fight isn’t easy.
Training for a fight as a mother isn’t easy.
Training for a fight through grief isn’t easy.

It takes everything you’ve got and asks for more. It challenges every part of you.

Mentally. Physically. Spiritually.

You have to eat well. Sleep well. Think well.
You have to tell yourself you’ve got this in the middle of continually trying to improve everything. There is no finish line, no moment of arriving. There is always something more you can work on. Something more you can do. Something else to push through.

You wake up, go through your day, and go to bed in training mode. All the while trying to get everything else done for everyone else, trying to meet all your other priorities, and trying to be a mother and a wife, as well.

It’s saying no to going out with friends.
It’s showing up early and staying late.
It’s working out alone.
Pushing yourself, alone.

It’s taking a long, hard look in the mirror and telling yourself you are enough.

You’ve got what it takes.
You can do this.
It’s being honest with yourself.
Positive about what you still need to work on. Positive about what you can do better. Positive you still have more inside you to pull out.

It’s being sore all over. It’s sitting in baths of Epsom salt. Icing. Fighting through the tears. It’s having a bloody nose from sparring and still going. It’s going to bible study with a black eye. Then PTA meetings, picking up your kids from school, and doing it all again the next day. 

It’s doing it over and over again until you can’t get it wrong.
It’s knowing you can’t give up or give in because your daughters are watching.
It’s having your husband look at you in a whole new light.

It’s the epitome of putting in blood, sweat, and tears.

It’s knowing what it feels like to arrive at the faint, puking or passing out, and still going one more round. It’s always being willing to go one more round.

No, training for a fight isn’t easy. But, it’s worth it. Worth it to discover the person inside. Worth it to challenge your mentality. Worth it to be able to stand tall and confident. To be strengthened in your spirituality.

It’s how I get through the days of aching for our youngest daughter, how I get off the couch, how I’ve learned to live for today and learned to look forward to tomorrow.

It’s where God has shown me how to fight for what’s important.

How to thrive in the middle of agony, how to keep going when your body doesn’t want to and when your heart is weary. What it means to “have heart.” It’s where you discover what you’re made of, what you have to bring to the table. What you’re capable of. What it means to fight for what you believe in. To learn, with all your heart, what it is, you genuinely believe. And stand behind it. No matter what. It’s where I’ve become a better mom for my daughters. A better wife for my husband. A better version of me.

It’s having the courage to face and fight whatever it is that may come your way.

And that, my fellow Mommas, is why I do it.

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Hello all! I am a mother of three girls. Gracelyn is 8, Alise is 6, and Sayge went to Heaven at 7 weeks old. (SUIDS, which pretty much means they have no idea why she died) I was a social worker/admissions coordinator at Carillon Nursing Home in my previous life, and had quit to stay home to raise my kiddos after we had our youngest. I’m very active in kickboxing, Karate, and sparring. I know, crazy, but it has been my saving grace in dealing with the loss of our daughter. I have a fb page we had created to give out information for her funeral that turned into Letters to Sayge, and an instagram account Whispersofcourage where I try to infuse hope into the idea of going through life after the loss of a child. I also am a Lubbock coordinator for the West TX Chapter of a group called Hope Mommies that provides local support for mothers and families who has suffered child loss. I grew up on a farm in a small town. Met my husband, Shawn, in college at ACU, who I have been married to for 13 years and counting and is the love of my life. My main goal is simply to make a difference in the lives of others, while living this life to the fullest, and sharing the hope of Christ along the way.