Failures, Fatigue, and the First Trimester

I am finally 12 weeks pregnant, with baby #3. And while this is my third pregnancy, the beginning stage is just as rough this time around. I have felt all the things, including fatigue and failure. Failure to myself for not performing as normal in my work or motherly duties, and failure to my community as I haven’t been able to keep up with the demands of life. I have cried tears to my husband, kids, and friends that “I just can’t do that today” while fighting back major nausea and erased yet another thing off my list of things I aimed to get done that day. What I have found is that I have been much harder on myself than others have been. While I have been apologizing, those around me have been more than understanding.
Pregnancy is such a miracle and I truly do enjoy the process of growing a little baby! But the beginning weeks can be challenging in-between nausea, fatigue, and aversions. Every pregnancy I find myself treasuring this little growing baby, even more, knowing what joy will come as this baby enters the world, and knowing this is all worth it.
I think there can be a lot of pressure out there about how much weight you should or shouldn’t gain during pregnancy – what you should or should not eat. To that I say, do what works for you and your family! Somehow my first pregnancy survived off saltine crackers for the first 12 weeks! This one is a little different as I am consciously trying to feed my family nourishing food, but I still need to give myself grace if the only food that will take away the nausea is carbs.
There’s also such beauty in a growing belly and knowing what’s in there. But, third baby problems – this baby was not anywhere near hiding by even 8 weeks pregnant. I couldn’t find anything to wear that wasn’t tight on the belly and causing people to question if I had midsection weight gain or was indeed pregnant. The number on the scale is rising much faster this time around, and I can’t help but blame it on the carb load that takes place every day.
Through all this, I’ve had to give myself tons of grace. Telling myself every day that is okay to say “no” to a few things right now, to use naptime to actually take a nap myself, to scarf down a few extra crackers while expecting my kids to eat their veggies, and to embrace the hormonal mess that I am right now. I am beyond thrilled to be welcoming a third baby and I am swooning anytime I see a newborn, but a part of me will also miss the routine we have right now of 2 toddlers. Getting back into the swing of breastfeeding, constant diaper changes, and frequent naps will throw our busy routine for a little while. But it is all worth it, I am enjoying the “little years.”