I love my husband. Really, I do. He’s awesome. But sometimes I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Here are some snippets of dialogue that maybe someone can explain to me.
Husband: “Man, you can’t seem to get over this cold and I can’t get this split lip healed.”
My take: It was the most horrible sinus infection I’ve ever had while nursing a newborn baby all night long. His lips were chapped.
Husband: “I brought home some stuff for Chloe so she can have more structured time.” *waving a box of markers in the air*
My take: I’m thinking of letting her color on the TV as payback, seeing as she’s going to do it anyway.
Husband: “Did you balance our checking accounts?”
My take: He’s a banker who specializes in credit analysis which is basically account balancing. I’m a writer who nearly failed the math portion of the TAKS test multiple times.
Husband: “Did you pack clothes for Cash?”
My take: In the amount of time he had packed for himself, I had packed myself, both kids, the dog, switched out car seats and taken the car to get washed and vacuumed.
Husband: “Why aren’t you helping me navigate! We missed our turn 40 miles ago.”
My take: I was on the phone and computer for work (because I did not take a vacation day) while simultaneously keeping kids supplied with snacks, Kleenex, juice, and shows on the iPad going.
Husband: “I just remembered I have a meeting at 8 this morning.”
My take: He said this at 7:30 a.m. as I was blow drying my hair and two kids were running around butt naked supposed to be dropped off at school (by him!) in the next 15 minutes.
I love him. Couldn’t survive without him. Which is what I tell myself when I want to throttle him.
If you have a husband funny, share!