Unsolicited Mom Tip #101


I very unapologetically say NO to your unsolicited “Mom Tips.” This is an art that all mothers should master – the sooner, the better. It is wonderful that your mothers’ Aunt Jane’s concoction for a child’s runny nose seemed to work wonders for Little Julie’s cold four years ago, really, that’s just great, BUT, I think I’ll pass. Thanks!

One of the best parts of motherhood is the fact that motherhood is not new. Mothers have been around forever. If you have a question for another mother, it is very easy to pick up the phone, call a friend, post on social media, or text your bestie. Everyone will flood you with their best tips, answers, and even voodoo magic. Trust me y’all, I’m telling the truth. Although ultimately, what I have learned is, so many of those tips and answers contradict each other, common sense and even medical advice. (Some of them even make mothers feel inferior, stressed and like they are doing a horrible job as a mom.)

Example: Facebook post says, “Little Bobby has a fever of 103.8.” Moms will promptly comment and tell you, “Rush to the ER, STAT! Give Motrin! Give Tylenol! Cover his feet in Essential Oils! Throw him in a cold bath, now! Wrap him in a blanket and sweat the fever out! Lay a banana peel on his stomach!”

Now, all of those “Mom Tips” came from concerned mothers, who wanted to rush to make this mom’s life a little bit better and to help Little Bobby heal. Unfortunately, some of those tips were rather dangerous! How does a first-time mom know which are good and which are not? Or even the mom who has been a mother for upwards of 13 years, but she is sleep deprived, mentally exhausted and at this point willing to try just about any-stinking-thing you can even possibly come up with that will help. They generally don’t. They will go with the majority, or they will try everything until something works, or worse-off, something hurts them or their little one. Look back at that Facebook post, did that mom ask for your words of wisdom? Nope! She was just making a statement. All of those unsolicited mom tips will make that mom question everything, up to her own sanity. Don’t put that stress on another mom. Just don’t.

Recently, I posted something on Facebook, to the tune of “My girls are in bed, the little one is asleep, the big one is almost asleep, and now I can doze off.” I believe it was about 8:15 P.M. Not long after that I was flooded with the many comments/messages from other moms. “Oh my gosh, how do you get your kids to sleep so early??” “There’s no way you can spend quality time with them if they are asleep that quick each night, especially with your work schedule!” “Why don’t you stay up for an hour or two after they go to bed and spend time with your spouse?” “How do you get “me time” if you go to sleep so early?” I really just sat there and shook my head. I didn’t ask for other moms to question how I handle my household. It would be different if they felt I was doing something that may be beneficial to their household routine, but, the majority of them were only there to question my choices. Most of them did not have a rude tone, but, their unsolicited advice, was quite rude. I don’t need you to suggest to me that I stay up for one and a half hours after my child goes to sleep and clean-up the kitchen, then bag up the trash, then watch a movie or read a book with my (ex) husband. If I wanted to clean, I would. If I wanted to stay up and watch tv and read with my ex-husband, I would. I WANT TO SLEEP. I do not function on little amounts of sleep, I am not a good mom on little amounts of sleep.

I do what is best for MY home. I did not master being able to say “No Thanks” or simply ignoring unsolicited mom tips for several years. I wish I would have done it much, much sooner. So, although it is breaking my own rule on not giving unsolicited mom advice, my unsolicited mom tip to you is “You do you, Boo.” I say it all the time, and I truly mean it. You do what is best for you, and your home. Be the change, be the encouraging mom who offers support instead of advice.